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Quick Career Advice Reply 13. Family Influences Your Career Choices—For Better or Worse Dear Ann: I am the second generation in a family-owned business. Although the business has provided me with a good living, I’ve always wondered if I should have tried doing something different, and whether I should encourage our children to follow suit or start out on their own. You raise a complicated question. Being part of a family-run business can be a heaven-sent opportunity or a ticket to hell. The impact of family dynamics intensifies in a business setting—often for the worse when money is involved. Moreover, as you mention, you always have the lingering question of what else you might have done with your life as a better expression of yourself. My advice to parents is always to encourage their children to figure out their own path and work outside the family business, even if their children choose the same field If the adult child does want to work in the family business, be sure the pressure to join the firm is coming from him or her, not you. Don’t rescue your child with a job or turn to your child to rescue you. Rescue dynamics often result in everyone playing the roles of rescuer, persecutor, and victim. If your adult child enters the business, keep the relationship business-like—including a review in three to six months how it is working out. If the adult child is unenthusiastic or problems keep arising, consider ending the work relationship. Although I urge caution on mingling family and business relationships, family is one of the most important sources for learning about work—even if your parents never employ you. Most feelings about work come from the attitudes and behaviors observed at home, especially skills in dealing with people. For example, John, 35, sells ad space for several magazines. His father was an insurance agent. John observed his father working at night on his numbers and accounts and planning his calls for the next day. John learned to sell from his father. He also learned to put in long days and work after hours. His father never gave him lessons; John listened to him talk on the phone to clients and persuade members of a community group to come around to his point of view. John was learning unconsciously—the most powerful kind of learning. He also found himself repeating his father’s pattern of working night and day, until it became a problem in his marriage. He was surprised how hard it was for him cut back. It just didn’t feel right.* Because the influence of families is so strong, even when not expressed directly, take time to thoroughly evaluate how that influence impacts your work, especially when trying to make changes. |
